


walk in the street with no light inside our eyes

by a_secondhand_sorrow



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: BandTrees, Drabbles, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kleinsen, M/M, Murphy Family - Freeform, Tree Bros, also I’m watching the tonys right now so why not post things, but only in the loosest sense of hurt/comfort, tags to be updates, these are literally all inspired by Conan gray
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-04-23 20:36:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19158529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_secondhand_sorrow/pseuds/a_secondhand_sorrow
Summary: Adolescence sure has changed.A new song comes on-half bass, half slow, making him feel as though he just barely grasps onto consciousness. The music sways around them, clinging to their skin as they find a rhythm together. It’s not really a slow song, but they make it one. Each beat drives them a little closer together, each note bringing the reality of the situation to a sharp focus.***(or: drabbles)





	1. do you wanna rock in your room like we always do?

**Author's Note:**

> so uh, I was listening to Conan Gray and I wrote a ton of these. so today’s installmant of “conan gray-fueled drabbles of angst” is brought to you by the song Generation Why. thank you, I’ll be here all night, I’m watching the tonys.

“Dance with me.”

Evan looks up at Connor, questions dancing through his eyes in the half light of Connor’s old lamp. A new song comes on-half bass, half slow, making him feel as though he just barely grasps onto consciousness. Connor is already standing, holding one hand out to Evan. His smirk has taken over his face again, and Evan knows he won’t be able to say no. He sighs, setting his textbook aside and holding up his hand. “May I ask why?”

Grasping Evan’s hand and helping him up, Connor laughs just a little. “Any reason?”

“I’ve literally never seen you dance.”

“Fair.” Connor swayed a little, moving his free hand to Evan’s shoulder to get him to sway with him.

The music sways around them, clinging to their skin as they find a rhythm together. It’s not really a slow song, but they make it one. Each beat drives them a little closer together, each note bringing the reality of situation to a sharp focus. Everything feels fuzzy but he’s never seen so well in his life. He wonders, briefly if this is the high that Connor craves so often-the hazy clarity that sets your blood rushing through your ears so you can barely hear the next note from the speaker, the electrifying way each touch sends a smile to his face.

And he’s smiling so wide that Connor sees it in a second. And Connor smiles, too, and starts laughing, and there’s something real in the moment.

Then the song ends, and Connor’s smile fades. He lets go of Evan almost immediately, hands in front of him, uncertain. He glances at the clock on his bedside table. “Isn’t your mom gonna be home soon?”

Evan nods uncertainly, knowing her shift has ended and she’ll be home. He wants, simultaneously, not to move away from Connor and not to worry Heidi.

Connor stands for another second, uncertainty riddled in his posture. “Well,” he says stiffly, “I guess you should get going, then.”

Evan studies the swoop of Connor’s hair for a second, imagining how they were a minute previously, knowing that that hair had leaned against his forehead not long before. He nods, reaching for his backpack. Part of him wants to reach out to Connor again, but he’s slipping away already.

“Yeah,” he says, blinking kind of rapidly. “I-I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Connor nods mechanically, head bobbing a little too much, like an apple dropped in water. “Yeah.”  
Evan nods back and turns away, reaching for the doorknob. He hears shuffling behind him but ignores it, opting instead to make his way to the hallway.

“Wait, Evan,” Connor says, and he can feel Connor’s fingers brush his back. “You left your textbook.”

Evan turns around quickly and sees Connor standing behind him, face more uncertain than before. He holds Evan’s textbook between the two of them, some kind of shady barrier.

He reaches for the book. He knows he’ll have to find his place again. He looks up at Connor, just for a moment. There’s something on his face he can’t read. But the expression passes, and Connor lets go of the book, and now Evan holds the entire weight of if. His arm dips for a moment before he readjusts.

“See you tomorrow, then,” Evan says, for the second time.

Connor nods, and Evan turns away.


	2. love’s a raven when it flies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe pulls up to his house, completely unannounced. She doesn’t even reach for her phone. She just waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today’s conan gray fueled drabble is inspired by “the other side”

Zoe pulls up to his house, completely unannounced. She doesn’t even reach for her phone. She just waits. 

He’s out of the house a minute later. Her hands are shaking on the wheel, either from the caffeine she’d chugged in some hope of her vision clearing or something else. She digs her nails into her palms. Evan doesn’t say anything, as he pulls the door open and slides into the seat, just looks at her expectantly. His presence adds something new to the energy of the car; he’s stabilized the frantic air bouncing off of the dashboard and back into her lungs. His being there has slowed her breathing, and she feels just stable enough to shift into drive and pull out of his driveway. 

She lets her muscle memory guide her somewhere. There’s nothing but the hum of an engine to fill the silence and the glide of the car across pavement to remind her this is real. The night waits outside the windows, still and silent. She pulls to the side of the road after a minute, to a field where she can see the stars just beyond the lights of the streets. 

Evan turns to her. She just realizes he is wearing that black hoodie she’d given him, looking, somehow, both small and comfortable in it. 

Zoe launches herself across the seat, throwing her arms around Evan’s neck and crashing her lips against his. She’s frantic and wild and hungry, but Evan holds her gently, fingertips just brushing her back. She can feel the way his hands splay against her spine, and something in that quiet gesture makes her break away after a moment. She lets Evan’s lips brush against her cheek as they disconnect, and now that she’s not doing something she can feel her hands shaking and her blood rushing in her ears and she bursts into tears, feeling her face crumple. 

Evan pulls her closer, though it’s hard over the two seats, shifting one arm around her shoulders. Zoe can’t stop herself from shaking and crying, even though she wants desperately to stop, to go back to the moment before when she kissed Evan and things felt okay for at least a second. 

As Evan shifts to pull her even closer, she squeezes him back and thinks, for a moment, that she’ll be okay in another minute.


	3. speed the roads on our doubting days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today’s conan gray inspired drabble is fueled by “generation why” once again. thank you for your time.

Zoe scuffs the toes of her converse against the concrete of the sidewalk, taking care to not crush the blades of grass that poke out from between cracks. She tries to ignore the shadow that trails behind her in his zip up black hoodie. His footsteps are nearly silent, even though he can become the loudest person she knows. She doesn’t really feel like hiding the fact his presence makes her nervous, even in his current watered down, quiet form.

She turns to him, deciding to rip off the bandaid. “Why did you want to talk?”

Connor looks up at her, greasy hair falling into his eyes. Something in her urges to step closer and brush it behind his ears, but just as she moves to do so she flinches to a stop like a kid that had been shocked by the metal doorknob one to many times. Connor doesn’t seem to notice, or maybe he ignores it. The twighlight sky shines behind him, still painted shades of red and orange and pink. He looks almost like a silhouette with it, black against vibrant color. He looks smaller than Zoe can remember him looking.

She wonders when her big brother changed so much.

As Connor searches for words, Zoe can feel one of the cuffs on her jeans starting to loosen. This makes her feel unsteady, almost, like something is off balance and she can’t quite right it. The streetlight above them flickers on before illuminating Connor directly. Zoe’s just out of the beam, leaving him straining to look at her. She refuses, interanally, to step into the light. He’s still silhouetted against the sky, which is beginning to fade into a deep blue. Connor notices that, too.

“Do you remember that blanket mom had when we were little? The soft blue one?”

Caught off guard, Zoe nods. She shifts her eight to her other foot.

“I remember she used to wrap us up in it on snowy days and read to us. That’s when she started reading The Little Prince, right?” Connor looks up at the sky, right past Zoe’s face. “I don’t think that’s what I came here to talk about, but that’s what tonight reminds me of, I guess.”

“It does?”

Connor nods, looking Zoe in the eye again. “I don’t remember the last time I saw that blanket, but I know that’s when things made sense to me. It always reminded me of the sky, like you. I remember you drew stars over it once, and Mom was mad, but I grabbed a marker and drew more.” Connor shrugs suddenly, turning around.

Zoe feels anger flare up in her, ugly and bright. “That’s what you dragged me out here for?”

He turns back around, tone losing its soft corners and becomin, once again, sharp edged. “I don’t know, Zoe, I just-” he breaths deeply, hand shoving to his hair. “I know I’m a fucked up brother but now it’s all I can think about. I know I’m a fucking monster and I don’t deserve anything from you but I-I want to feel that safe again. I want you to see the sky and remember that, once, I wasn’t the fuckup I am now.” He sighs again, storming past her and away. “Forget it.”

“Where are you going?” Zoe says, voice coming out thin and strained.

“I don’t know. Anywhere. Not home. Tell them I’ll be back later.”

Zoe watches him walk away, wanting to call after him but not knowing why. His sneakers scuff at the ground, crushing the few brave blades of grass underfoot. The sky is turned to a deep navy.


	4. so why you always ring at the end of my line?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He feels unbalanced. His heart beats an uneven pulse, like some kind of bass drop he hasn’t had time to adjust to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today’s conan gray inspired drabble is brought to you by “the king”

He feels unbalanced. His heart beats an uneven pulse, like some kind of bass drop he hasn’t had time to adjust to. The air grates at his skin. He picks up his phone, going to the top of his contacts. 

He tilts himself into bed just as the person on the other line says “Hello?”

Jared can’t say he’s surprised Evan picked up. He always does. 

The combination of cool pillowcase against his forehead and Evan’s voice on the other line grounds him. His heart rate begins to steady out, and Evan’s voice sounds again on the other line. 

“Jared?” 

“Hi,” he says, voice unsteady. 

“Are you okay?” Evan’s voice is soft and feels like the gentle waves of a tidepool you’d lie down in as a kid. 

“You calm me down,” Jared mumbles into the phone. 

There’s a slight pause, and that one second feels like an eternity to Jared. His pulse begins to pick up, and now Evan will hate him, and-

“Okay, dork,” Evan half-whisperers, and Jared can hear the smile in it even through the tinniness of his phone. “Try to take a nap, you’ll feel better.”

“Mhm.”


End file.
